Wednesday, February 13, 2013

The Know It All's.....Shhhh,Be Quiet!

We all know at least one! They have the answers to everything. They know that MS is caused by xyz. They know that the government is doing experiments in the basement of a house in Portland. They know that those pimples on your face are caused by acidic skin. They know that you really do not need certain meds. You know why? Because they know 25 people that used that medication that got no relief. I could go on and on. The point is the KNOW IT ALL'S are very knowledgeable.

They know somebody, that knows someone, that has a cousin, that has an ex-boyfriend whose next door neighbor had MS. Whoo! You guys get the idea. The thing that the know it all's do not know, is their knowledge can be rude and overwhelming. There is nothing wrong with sharing what you know. However when it comes to some things you have to be careful not to break the ice by jumping on it!

I remembered going through a serious time of deep depression. I didn't even want the windows opened in my house. I wasn't suicidal but I wasn't trying to live either. The physical pain had gotten to be constant and increasing. The mental anguish was flooding my life. I wouldn't answer the telephone or the door. I was just willing to live inside my house with my family and never see anyone else. I wasn't giving up but I was thinking about giving in.I had a very well meaning friend and we have been friends for awhile. She was a know it all. She always had been and before this particular day it never bothered me. I was lying in bed letting the television watch me and my cell phone rang. It was kind of late for a call so I grabbed it. I have sons that like to be out at night so I always answer my phone after a certain time (she knew that). I answer without looking at the caller id. She immediately says, "I have not talked to you or seen you in 6 weeks!" "What is going on?" I was a little agitated by her already, I felt like her tone was not necessary. "I'm depressed." That was my answer, There was a long pause. Then she shot out like a bull from a barn.,,,,,,,

She said, "depressed, about what?" "Look at that big pretty house you live in, are you serious?" "have you talked to your doctor?" "Some of your medications may be depressing you." "You need to exercise!" "I thought you were saved, how can you be depressed" "Who is taking care of the kids?" "You know there are diets that can stop depression." "Do you need me to print one off?" "Are you still on Gabapentin, it can cause you to feel like this."

And on and on and on. She never came up for air. She never let me talk. She just knew the answers and she was going to give them to me like it or not. I did not like it. I will never forget the noise she made when I fired back at her, she was shocked! The most important thing I said to her was this,"Your calling to make me feel better? I feel ten times worse. Do not call me and point out the obvious or ask rude and disrespectful questions like you are concerned. You do not know every damn thing. You learn so much from the internet why don't you learn when to shut up?"

I do not care what you are dealing with. It is never okay for someone to give you unsolicited, unfiltered, unprepared advice on your situation. There will always be more people that know more about your situation than you do. Isn't that interesting. There is nothing wrong with being helpful, I encourage it. But acting like all situations are the same for everybody and throwing out your generic know it allism's (made that up) can make a person feel worse. We all deal with illness, depression, and death in different ways. If you are not a doctor or a  psychiatrist all you can do is be a friend. Sometimes these people aren't even friends. They just think they know so much that they are into everyone's lives, even people they don't know.

I would have preferred my friend to come over and lay in my bed with me and just let me cry. She didn't know that because she never asked me what I needed. We can be very blind to ourselves when we are looking at everyone else.If you have something you think can help someone, think before you talk. Watch your tone and your delivery. There may be times when what you have to say is fantastic information but how you say it may keep it from being heard,

There is nobody that KNOWS EVERYTHING!! I think those of us that have faith know that God knows all and sees all.When we are going through something and we need answers, we will look to him.

I know that we want to offer our advice and opinions but there is a time and place for everything. You never want to be the reason someone gets worse or feels worse. So even if you know it all sometimes you can be of more help if your just quiet.


No comments:

Post a Comment