Friday, March 8, 2013

Remember To Grieve

Dedicated to Tamara Willis Michel, Thanks for giving me something to think about my friend.

I was on Facebook today and came across a post from a friend that really touched me. She talked about how much she missed playing the piano. Multiple Sclerosis had robbed her of something  she loved to do. It
wasn't a just a hobby for her, it was a passion. Something that she enjoyed and was good at. She looked forward to playing and other people looked forward to hearing her play. A gift given and snatched away. My friend like so many other MS warriors and Chronic illness suffers had suffered a devastating loss.

She was coming to grips with the feeling of loss, allowing herself  to grieve her gift. I was touched by this.I think the biggest thing was how I easily related to her loss. I have been robbed as well. My voice, that people use to tell me I could sing professional with, is gone. I may be able to sing a chorus every few weeks, But my days as a soloist are long gone. My voice is raspy and hoarse. My range is nonexistence. I miss it. I miss the sound of my voice singing praises to God, The smile on my kids faces when we sang together, The feeling of my voice being God's way for me to communicate his word. All gone.

I had to remind myself that I needed to grieve that loss. Not for dramatic effect but because it was a part of me. A part that was a blessing to other's besides myself. A part that spoke loudly to the person I was. I was sad. I was angry. I felt like something else could have been taken, just not my passion.

It hit me today when I was reading her post. Yes, I lost a gift but I gained some gifts as well. I recognized how sad I was about my voice and I embraced that sadness for a little while. I grieved. I didn't want anyone asking me about it either. I didn't fully understand it myself. All I was sure of was something that I considered a part of me was leaving me.

Just as we mourn and grieve a life that has ended it is appropriate to grieve a part of our lives that has ended, We are taught that grief is a necessary emotion and process. We are not taught that grief is okay no matter what you have lost. Grief is needed for those of us that are dealing with illnesses that rob us of our passions and our gifts. I learned to journal all that emotion, yell when I am angry that I can't sing, cry when I miss singing with my kids and even pray when I start to feel like part of me is  gone. Everyone will not get it. People will say, "Well at least you have life," That is a statement from Captain obvious! We are not unhappy that we have life nor are we saying our lives are worthless without these gifts. We are upset and sad and angry that the things we love to do have gone. I encourage you to find an outlet for this emotion. Scream, Cry, Pray, go to a support group, talk to a fellow warrior whatever you need, do it! You will feel better eventually. Mainly because you didn't hide the pain. You didn't ignore it, you faced it and you dealt with it. You deserve that opportunity.

It can be singing, dancing , playing an instrument, public speaking,etc,.... Whatever was your thing that was sacrificed to illness deserves to be missed and talked about and grieved. I am here if you just want someone to tell all about it. I have been there, I am still there, We are in this together. And who knows, once we have dealt with the emotional pain and loss, we may find a NEW THING. There may be a new gift or a new way to express the old one. We will be ready to EMBRACE whatever comes Next. Because we didn't forget to Grieve.


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