Friday, February 1, 2013
Dear Multiple Sclerosis,
Dear Multiple Sclerosis,
I have tossed this around so many times in my mind. This WARPED. Abusive Relationship that You and I have. I mean We have actually known each other for awhile. And YOU seem to get more and more Invasive and Rude and Disrespectful. I want to ask you WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!!? I mean What is left? You have managed to Change every part of my life, but at the same time made it so much stronger.
You have managed to impose upon my sense of Independence. My ability to Walk unassisted, talk without whispering, Sleep without pain. You have taking my eyesight in one eye and darkened the other. My hands shake, my legs buckle and my face droops. All thanks to YOU. One may wonder How ANYONE can put up with this. I mean if YOU WERE anyone else and this was 20 years ago. I would have Kicked your Ass in 10 different ways.
But thanks to you my hands are weak and my wrists are constantly wrapped or bandaged to maintain strength. Do you think I don’t ACHE to be rid of You. Do you think that I enjoy the Dysfunction you have brought into my life. I struggle to remember my friends names, my kids birthdays, my appointments, my schedule, my LIFE! When did this happen, Why did that happen, Where are they, who is that? But I NEVER Forget You. You won’t allow that. You make me Worry about my future. But I am not Afraid of it, Wheelchairs, Walkers, Canes, scooters. Diary’s, Journals, whatever it takes,………
I am writing you this letter because I feel as if YOU HAVE TO KNOW what I am feeling. Do I think you will give a DAMN? Of course Not. But I know I deserve a chance to TELL YOU that YOU are NOT WELCOME Here. You will stay, as any unwanted guest with an axe to grind and a blood thirsty selfishness would do. But Guess What, I WILL STAY AS WELL!
I will NEVER give into You, I will Never Concede, I will NEVER stop Fighting. Because MY FIGHT against YOU has become an Everyday affair. I WAKE UP knowing that YOU and I will Bump heads today as we did yesterday and the day before.
I will write down all that I can, I will take pictures everyday, I will NOT let YOU ERASE me, Dispose of Me, Silence Me. YOU are not a MONSTER at all. A Monster is Intimidating, terrifying. YOU are Menacing, aggravating, and Down Right Hateful. YOU UNDERESTIMATED ME,…..and that was a BAD MOVE on YOUR PART.
Because When This Fight is OVER, I will Be Victorious! Not because I BEAT YOU.But BECAUSE I gave YOU ONE HELL OF a Fight! You are but ONE more MOUNTAIN in my Life. And I have managed to Climb them All. Some Slowly, some with help and some with my body wrapped in Pain. But I still Made it to the TOP.
Just be ready Tomorrow. Same Time, Same Place. But ask Yourself, If Perhaps you have met your match. I know for Sure when I look at my life and what you have Done to it, that I have Not met mine.To Hell with You