Friday, February 1, 2013

Who Do I Think I Am!?

Whenever you embark on something new you will find a group of supporters. You will also find a group of people that wonder, "Who does she think she is?" Then I have the nerve to use SPILT instead of SPILLED, LOL! That was just an example of how much attention we can pay to to something that isn't a big deal. I figured since my blog is new I better introduce myself. My name is Valrie Robertson-Smith. I am a married mother to 5 Handsome sons and a Bonus Son as well. I am 40 years old. I love life and I believe that life loves me! I decided to blog because I realized that I have a lot to say and some of it may actually help someone else. I have no interest in telling anyone how to live their life. I am however determined to share with you how I live mine. I have been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, Rheumatoid Arthritis, and Crohns Disease. I  was diagnosed with Scleroderma and Myositis a few years back as well. That is a lot of stuff! I had to figure out a way to deal with what was quickly becoming my reality. I went through different phases with each diagnosis but I never went through giving up. I had a house full of children so that just was not an option for me. 

I am a Christian, I try to filter my life through prayer. However that can become overwhelming at times no matter how much of a believer you are. When i pray I try not to make it just about me. I pick a few things that I want to talk to God about or ask him for help with and then I pray for my family, friends and anyone that crosses my mind. The weird thing about being a Christian and being diagnosed with chronic incurable illness is you question if there has been a mistake. I mean I know that struggle comes to everyone as does illness in some form but you get to a place where you think God would not give you or allow you to have one more thing. That was a little bit of spilled milk for me I think. I had to realize that being saved did not mean I was safe from disease, depression, loss. As a matter of fact in my mind I started to feel like being saved was attracting attention to me. We are taught that Satan or the Enemy as many refer to it will hunt you down once you decide to give your life to Christ. There have been times when I felt like the Enemy had a rifle pointed at my back. I was scared to move. Then it hit me one day. I could fold up and die. It was possible to do that. I mean we all go through wanting to just let go and take it laying down. I thought about that for maybe 4 hours one night. Then I thought about the phrase, "Don't cry over spilled milk" I immediately felt like everything I had endured in my life that was contributing to my emotional and physical pain was spilled milk. I could cry over it, try to walk through it and fall, wipe it up and move to the next cup or get a straw and suck it up!

I mean there was no way to make these things go away. Diagnosis,depression, abuse,pain, were all things that had become a part of my life. I couldn't wipe them up, I couldn't ignore them, I couldn't just sit and whine and cry over these issues. I had to get a straw and suck it up! So I did. I decided to just start living as healthy as I could. I started praying and reading devotionals everyday and I started using the MOMENTS as stepping stones  and not barriers. Life is full of MOMENTS. How we deal with those MOMENTS dictates whether we will be a survivor or a victim. I chose survivor. I tell my kids all the time, "DO not be a VICTIM to your situation, be a Survivor of your circumstance! You can take it all back. Whatever is causing you emotional pain and sadness. You have it in you to rise above it all. You have to be willing to look deep inside and find that part of you that won't give up and nurture it. Sometimes i forget that I have been diagnosed with these things because I am too busy living my life. 

I remind myself that I am human on the hard days. I remind myself that I can choose how to deal with the road blocks, the mountains, the broken levies in my life. I think sometimes we forget that. So to answer the question who am I. I am a Person that has struggled for a long time with many things. I am a person that uses her faith to make it over some of the hardest things we face as human beings. I am a mother who wants to live a long happy life with her family. I am a wife who adores her husband. I am a community member and a friend that longs to develop a connection with others. A connection that will empower, enlighten and embrace a world of people that are screaming for attention. I am me. I am you. We are ready to face the messes in our lives. we are ready to build bridges and tear down walls. We want more and we deserve it.Yes, the cup fell over. Yes, it was full. Yes, there is spilled milk everywhere! What are you going to do with it? I have a suitcase full of straws and I am willing to share.

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