Friday, October 18, 2013

Thanks to that Damn Chemo!!

Due to the fact that I have so many illnesses trying to master my body at once, I often find myself in some sort of treatment. Lately that drug of choice has come through chemotherapy and steroid treatments. Not my drug of choice because I may have chosen something a little more enjoyable :)

It has not been the first time I have had to endure these treatments. I find the word treatment an interesting one. Since afterwards I feel like I was treated horribly! But anyway. I have never been fond of being hooked up or hooked in. I always feel like a robot or something. It's just that this time around I have noticed a substantial change in my appearance. And let's be honest, it sucks. I have lost a pretty good amount of hair and now my eyebrows are thinning out. I tease my kids that I might just buy a pack of magic markers and draw on a different pair everyday. They don't laugh.

My respect for anyone that has to go through chemo for anything is over the top. There really is nothing like it. I always feel as if more was taken than was given. I feel weak, I feel mad, I feel sick,......I could go on for days. However, I do understand that just like copaxone injections, and methotrexate schedules, and steroid infusions have become a part of my life. So has that damn Chemo!

I am fortunate though. It is only temporary. I only have to have it when I am really ill or my doctors think nothing else will help. I use to put up a fight, but I am older now and I realize that it is for the best.

Isn't that weird? We spend so much time when we are younger rebelling and fighting against things that could probably help us. And then we hit a certain age and we realize that the good outweighs the bad. It's still hard looking at my patchy hair though. My sisters and friends give me scarves and wigs and try to help me cover it up. I love them for that . But when I finish my day and take it all off, there is that reminder.

It use to make me sad. Now I am reminded that I am doing what it takes to feel better. Which means I am doing what it takes to live better. So that I can be the best I can for my family. And that is a fantastic trade off. I am learning that the worst of things are sometimes only the worst because of how I view them. Glad I'm learning that.

I take a variety of medication for a variety of reasons. And most of it has side effects. I am pretty sure there is another med that is contributing to my hair loss. But it's contributing to my quality of life. So I keep taking it. It doesn't matter what your illness or issue is. You will come across a solution or an answer that you would rather not choose. But sometimes we have to weigh the pro's and the con's. And then we make the decision. Eyebrows or slow down disease progression?  I'll take slow disease progression for the win Alex!!!!! (I love jeopardy)

I would never make light of what it takes to go through chemo. I am simply saying that for me it has been a good gift in a bad package. But if it keeps me around longer, walking longer, talking is a gift I will continue to accept. After all, I am not my hair. And I look cute in a scarf, if I say so myself. I may not like it but I have to give thanks to that Damn Chemo.


#chemo #ms #rheumatoidarthritis #scleroderma


  1. You are very brave and courgous! I cant stand needles and hate to take injections. Im not sure if I would go for the chemo either. Im still at the fighting stage. Maybe one day I will get to acceptance and take what they give. But hats are off to you, you've given me courage to know that it will be ok when and if its time to do so. Thank you!

  2. Thank you Kenyata!!! God Bless my friend!