Wednesday, September 17, 2014

I'm Allergic To Toxic

I was sitting on my porch enjoying the weather. I remember thinking how perfect it seemed. The wind was blowing just enough to keep the heat from bothering me. I had a book in my hand but I never opened it to read it. I was to busy watching the people of my neighborhood walking, jogging, riding bikes and working in their yards. I heard my cell phone ringing so I took it out of my pocket and looked at it. Once I read the name I will be honest, I put it back in my pocket.

I have learned at my age that we can choose our battles. Everything is not worthy of confrontation or controversy. I have been told numerous times that stress made all my symptoms and illnesses worse. I made a conscious decision and I shared with my family that we were going to start living a less stressed life. Now I know that stress is not always avoidable. If you watch the news for thirty minutes, your stress levels will rise. However, I was no longer going to invite or entertain any stressful relationships or energy into my life.

So this phone call, immediately made me anxious and stressed. I hadn't even answered it yet. I just knew that the person on the other end was calling to share or create drama. I wasn't interested in it. Now I know many people will say that it's rude or unfair to ignore someone and I get the idea behind that feeling, But the truth is, if you know something is going to make you sick or overwhelm you, your first thought is to avoid it. I eventually called the person back. I did so because I made up in my mind that I was calling her so I was in control of the conversation. What does that mean? Well I asked her how she was feeling and how her kids were. I kept the conversation very light and I never even mentioned missing her call earlier because I didn't want to trigger her into gossiping or rambling. I made sure that we just talked about us and our families and when she did try to bring someone else up, I immediately said, "Oh I do not have the energy for that today." We had a pleasant conversation and hung up.

I am sure that she realized at some point that I was not going to discuss anything that I did not want to discuss. I was never rude or impatient. I was just making sure that we stayed positive.

We have the power to protect ourselves from toxic people and situations. We have to remember how important positive thoughts and positive communication are to our health. We hear people say that you are what you eat. Well you are what you listen too. I give a lot of leeway to people at first. I explain to them that most negative conversations have a negative effect on me. I internalize, I absorb, I worry about the people that I love. So much so that I start to feel like I should be doing something to help them. Instead of allowing myself to be okay with not getting involved.

We cannot be helpful to anyone when we are not helping ourselves. If I allow my friends or siblings issues to become my issues then I worry, When I worry I get anxious. When I get anxious I don't eat. And on and on and on. It becomes a domino effect that not only involves me but involves my entire family. If I am not well my kids suffer in one way or another.  My husband has taken my cell phone from me before because he felt like I was to involved in other people's lives and not worried enough about my own.

I will also say that ANYONE who calls you or comes to see you and does not ask you how you are feeling,....well that is a red light right there. If you know that someone is sick or has been sick or has been going through something and you make contact with that person and never ask them how they are feeling,....that is insensitive, selfish, and usually the first sign of drama. If I make contact with a perfectly healthy person, I should ask them how they are feeling. That is just being polite, right?

We have every right to deal with the positive or negative that go on around us. We can barely escape what goes on around us in the world. The television images and the newspaper articles are everywhere and we have to tell ourselves, "enough" for today. I will admit that I did feel guilty at first when I didn't run to answer my ringing phone or immediately respond to a text message. But I had to remind myself that what I allow inside my mind usually becomes something I cannot control. So I take time to prepare myself for talks with certain people. Then I realized that it was okay. How do I know that they are not feeling the same way when I call. We have to do what is best for us. And there are always ways to be tactful and friendly and not make someone feel bad.

I love visits, I love talks but I do not like negativity. I do not like the energy, the time or the emotion that it takes to deal with negative situations. And I do not know anyone that does. I do know drama queens and people that always seem to have something going on. I don't ignore them but I do filter our conversations. I encourage them to be positive and share with them how there is always a bright side.

We do not have to take it all in. We have the right to only deal with and listen to what we chose. When you are already trying to deal with your circumstances you can pay attention to you. People may feel like it is selfish or like you are no longer easily available or that you don't want to hear the gossip or the rumors. They are right. But that does not make you wrong.

Filter everything that comes in. Because you are most important right now, Your life, your frame of mind and your emotional state is allergic to toxic. So glad we can block it!!!


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