Monday, September 8, 2014

My Disaster

Webster's defines "disaster" calamitous event, especially one occurring suddenly and causing great loss of life, 
damage or hardship, for example;  a flood, airplane crash, or business failure.

We all have endured, escaped or even been witness to some type of disaster in our lives. Then there are some of us that feel as if our disaster is never ending. It will outlast even us. We face it everyday. Some days we plan to get back to where we were but find ourselves just staying afloat and never really swimming at all. We realize that our disaster has not only taken place in our lives but it has taken a place in our lives. I dedicate this poem to all my fellow warrior, fighters, survivors. I dedicate this to anyone that faces the one thing that you never wanted to face everyday. I dedicate his poem to those with diseases, grief, pain, confusion, depression and loneliness. To those that have waited and prayed for the life boats to come and the coast guard to shine their lights just once. Just a reminder that we are in a disaster, but we are Not a DISASTER!

My Disaster

No happily ever after
No FEMA is coming to rescue me
No dancing again, no races to win, 
I can't stand so you get what you see
No lifeboats are searching, no detectives are lurking because I'm missing the old me
No face on milk cartons
No body tarp and I am still quite alive as you see
There will be no vigil, no marches, no memorial because to everyone else I'm alive
They had no idea when I lost my independence, it was like I was losing my life

No prince comes to save me and no evil step sisters to blame
I'm locked in the tower, I gave up my power
I didn't fight because I was to ashamed.
My hands shake and shiver, my face and lips quiver
My eyes blink but barely can see
I know what you're thinking, no I have not been drinking
I walk funny, that's the MS in me.

I can imitate laughter
I can smile through dinner and visits
I want to explain how I'm in so much pain
But that's not what you want to hear is it?
I can dance in my mind and go back in time
To before I became who you see
When I had all my plans, I won every race that I ran
But that girl ran off and left me

Dreams ripped and shattered
Joy smothered and silenced by pain
Sunshine makes me sick, I don't want to be rich
I just want to be normal again
You don't have to be sad
And I am no longer mad
Because I have learned to play my hand well
I accept who I am, 
Signed the new plan and broken out of my "disaster" shell