Wednesday, May 6, 2015

What I'm thinking

The other day I caught my 7 year old deep in thought. I called him 3 times. With no response. Finally I said "there's a bug in you." Believe it or not he came too quickly. I asked him what he was so deep in thought about. I figured it was a cartoon thought or a wanting to go outside thought. So I eagerly waited. He looks at me and says "I was thinking about how I wish I could cut the grass like my brothers. I'm responsible." I said "Oh sweetie. Your day is coming." I know you want to be a big boy and it's hard being the baby or the caboose of the train. But one day daddy will teach you just like he did your brothers." He shrugged his shoulders. And left the room.
Now I have no idea why this brief interaction threw me into deep thought but it did.

I started thinking about cutting grass. I used to do it too. Planting flowers all day by myself. I use to do that. Drive anywhere I wanted to go. Wow do I miss that. For some reason talking to my son had me feeling nostalgic and a little upset. 
Now you must know that years before being diagnosed with anything I had symptoms. So I had slowed down years ago on a lot of things I loved. But now I was missing those things. Then I started thinking about using my came which would soon be a walker and then a wheelchair. Then I started thinking about my husband and kids having to do everything for me. Then I started thinking about how pitiful it would be and how they would regret me.

I heard someone calling me. I looked up at my husband and he said "What are you thinking about?" I laughed. I said "everything." He said, "Well have you thought about cooking dinner." I smiled. I was so caught in thought with what could happen I almost forgot all I am still able to do. 
I got up and headed to the kitchen. Trying to decide what dinner would be. I paused for a minute and said aloud. " Stop thinking so much.
Nothing is guaranteed. So the worry and the sad thoughts that sometime consume us or overwhelm us aren't necessary. Live now. Love constantly. And trust that tomorrow will come and then it will be dealt with. No need to give so much thought to something that may come. We have far to much to think about just to make it through today!  

Don't  get trapped, don't get stuck, don't get lost letting your mind take you somewhere that may or may not come. Trust where and how you are in this very moment. If someone ask you what you're thinking. Smile and say "How grateful I am for today. "



  1. We are on the road of life, and our diagnoses are just part of the path we travel. There are rocks in the way but we clamber, trip, slide and move over them, keeping our eyes on the flowers that provide delight all along the way.

  2. I am in my worst MS flare ever right now. Started Athcar gel today at my specialist office. Thanks so much for the encouraging reminder!!! Hugs

  3. Well said!! I am guilty of walking down that "one of these days" road myself. Trying to just re-route my brain when that happens! Keep on preaching sister!

  4. Thank you ladies!! We all have those days we just have to allow them to come and go! We WIN!!!!